Thursday 6th September 2012
Time 09.00 first brew of the morning and the glorious first smoke, something about a fag and a brew that wakes you.
Time 09.30 walking back into kitchen with cup in hand, phone caught the corner of my eye “CHECK TEL LINE” W.T.F. made second brew walked back into lounge with brew picked up phone Dead nothing Nada.
Time 09.45 rang land line from mobile, line still working as it rang THANK GOD we did pay the bill then, checked internet (this may sound stupid but I have had dead phone lines but still had internet connection in the past so not so stupid)
Time 09.55 after getting over the shock of not being able to check mail online or even FACEBOOK I resigned myself to the fact it was time to call the <DRAMATIC MUSIC> unhelpful desk, you know the one, to log a call it does not cost you from ringing from your non working land line but from a mobile would cost you the debt of a third world country.
“thank you for calling ********* for training purposes your call may be monitored or recorded (or if you abuse our staff we can use it as evidence) please enter your account number”
“thank you please enter your 4 digit year of your birth”
I was waiting for the other security info IE. length of penis, blood type mothers maiden name and the last time I had a dump!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
“thank you please listen to the following options
1. for gas or electric
2. if you are moving home
3. for mobile phones
4. for Telephone land line and broadband services
5. to hear the options again”
“thank you, it is showing on our records that you have not given a meter reading in the past 3 months”
NO I haven’t cos the little man comes round at most annoying times and struggles to get in behind the telly to check it. ALSO your costing me money so I really aint got time to be doing this!!!
“we are now connecting you to an available operator you are 1454536 in the que…….”
Oh here we go not only are you costing me £xx per min I now have to be put in a que with the latest hits played on pan pipes. Start feeling like your in the lifts of Debenhams back in the 80’s going from “Ground floor, Over madeup cosmetic specialists to the 5th floor TOYS!!!”
“Hello thank you for calling I am Dave how can I help”
So I explain to Dave that my phone and Broadband is not working
“have you checked the line with a working telephone…..”
WHO HAS A WORKING PHONE THAT THEY KEEP JUST FOR THIS VERY PROBLEM UNLESS YOU’RE A BT ENGINEER ?
I explain that I have checked the line and even checked the wire outside the house as this has happened before. (all bollocks, I mean I wouldn’t be ringing if it was working.
“I’ll do a check on the line for you now………………… nope your correct the fault is with the exchange (NO SHIT SHERLOCK) I’ll have to log this with our team who will pass it on to BT Outreach who will call you back with progress on the fault.”
(Ohh someone who seems to be helpful) Thanks Dave.
“No problem is there anything else I can help you with ?”
Get my phone fixed……….nope that’s it at the mo ta
Fastfoward 6ish hours, I’m sure if your still reading this blogg you don’t want to know all the ins and outs of my day.
Time 16.40 (get in there before the unhelpful desk go home)
“thank you for calling ********* for training purposes your call may…………… available operator you are 1454536 in the que…….”
(didn’t think you wanted all that again J)
“Hello thank you for calling I am Jennie how can I help ?”
Yes rang earlier yada yada yada call me back no call (you get the picture)
“Dave should have told you that our engineers wont ring you back for 24hrs this is so they can give you the accurate diagnosis of whats wrong with it…(I don’t care what’s bloody wrong with it it aint working and I want it fixed ffs) anyway whilst I have you on the phone can I take some details as they have not been upda……………”(or can we fleece you more money as we know its costing you money and our company get a cut)
NO I’ll call when its not costing me money……. (hung up quick)
THANK GOD FOR GOOD TV AND BEER
NEXT DAY Friday 7th September
Wake up yada yada yada time to ring the helpdesk YAY
Time 11.15 that’s 23 hours after ringing still no phone still no internet, 2 days of having to communicate with real people is really pushing the wrong buttons now.
“Hello thank you for calling I am Alfie how can I help ?”
explain same situation again even though they have a ref. Number and all the details come up on the computer.
“yes well we do say 24 hours”
Oh I thought it had been
“says here the call was logged at 12.45…I’ll get someone to call you and let you know what’s going on”
Starting to think not only are these people stupid and incompetent but also cant tell the time. FIRST CALL AT 10.14 not 12.45
Amazingly at 12.35 the phone rings to inform me that BT are working on the fault and should be operational by tonight.
“We will call you back on Monday with an update, as we do not work weekends……………. Have a good weekend!”
HAVE A GOOD WEEKEND are you taking the P**S sort my bloody phone out today.
Time 20.30 give or take
Just had a phone call on the land line
“hello Mr Fisk” (I mean come on it’s an easy mistake to make (dick head)) “your phone line is working”
What u want a medal you’re an engineer its your job to fix stuff, I go to a restaurant I get a meal Its your job to serve me with great food fact is it has been on for 2 hours is neither here there or anywhere